Most people think of Maine or New Hampshire or Vermont when they hear the term “Yankee.” My wife tells me that her Oklahoma relatives think that she’s a Yankee. She grew up in Delaware. Nope. I grew up in Connecticut, which despite the incursion of people from New York and New Jersey, is still very much a part of New England. I was steeped in the economy of New England conversation.
When Calvin Coolidge, a native of Vermont, was President in the 1920's he was approached by a reporter who told him that he had made a bet with a coworker that he could make Coolidge say more than three words. Coolidge famously responded, "You lose." Coolidge was a past master of terse communication. Dorothy Sayers, when told that Coolidge had died, asked, "How could they tell?"
The key to talking Yankee is to use an economy of language. A single word, such as “Nope,” “Yep,” and “Ayuh,” can express an entire sentence. The inflection is important. Emphasize the final consonant. Stretch the word out a bit.
"Nope," for example, can translate into many different phrases or sentences. It can translate to, for example:
"I'm really not interested in talking to you"
"I don't believe a word you're saying"
"I'm busy"
"I don't want to talk about it"
"No. Please don't ask me again"
"Yep" can translate many ways as well:
"Yes, it's true that the car ran the red light and hit the family of turkeys crossing the road"
"Yes, I would love to go to the used book store with you"
"Yes, it's true that the beaver rebuilt his dam in front of the culvert for the third time"
"Yes, it's true that the farmer put up his hay wet and the barn burned from spontaneous combustion"
This form of communication is best used when you encounter someone you really don't want to talk to, or if a stranger approaches and your radar tells you that they're trying to sell you snake oil, or any other situation like that.
Ok, so here are a couple of examples. These conversations happened exactly as I describe.
Example One:
I’m in the register at Home Depot, buying about $50 worth of merchandise.
Cashier: Would you like to put this on your Home Depot credit card?
Me: Don’t have one.
Cashier: Would you like to sign up for one?
Me: Nope.
Cashier: Ok.
This really happened. It took only four words for me to indicate that I didn’t have their credit card and didn’t want one.
Here’s another example.
Example Two:
Someone knocks at the back door, and I go to see who it is. A TruGreen kid is there.
TruGreen kid: Hi! Many of your neighbors are hiring us to work with them on their lawns to improve them.
Me: That’s nice.
TruGreen kid: Hey, are those bonsai trees in your backyard?
Me: Yep.
TruGreen kid: Do you have plans set for your yard care this summer?
Me: Yep.
TruGreen kid: What is it?
Me: Mowing it.
TruGreen kid: Would you like to have us help you develop a plan for your lawn for this summer?
Me: Nope.
TruGreen kid: (realizing he wasn’t going to get anywhere with me) Ok. Have a nice day!
Again, the economy of words is the key. Don’t say any more than you need to. Fewer words get the point across with an air of finality.
I realize that in other parts of the country this would be considered incredibly rude. Not here!
